Alright, we all got ’em.

Favorite tunes we don’t like to admit to liking.

Over time bad songs become kitschy and acceptable. You can wear them like a badge of honor.

But while they are contemporary, you can’t admit to liking them. Can’t, that is, if you want to have any rep at all.

Guilty Pleasure Songs come as you age. When you’re a teenager or a young twenty-something you haven’t paid your dues yet. You can’t adopt older songs not from your era as your own GPS. You have to have lived through them.

Having lived through the disco era and the 80’s I have no shortage of GPS.

Remember they have to be bad not just from an outdated era.

Without further delay, here are my Top 5 all time GPS

5.  Rock and Roll All Night–Kiss

Look, I know some people take KISS seriously. I can’t, not as an adult. I remember being a high school freshman listening to this and even then knew it was sort of cheesy. I still do and i still love it.

4. Kiss Me Deadly- Lita Ford

Gotta quarter?

What a great horny teenager song! Which is a little weird to really love when you’re 48.

3.  Laughter in the Rain–Neil Sedaka

Yes, I consider myself unmistakably masculine. Yes, this a man with a sexy woman’s voice. Yes, I love this song.

2. The Pina Colada Song– some dude named Rupert Holmes

Bad lyrics, really bad lyrics. Bad synth music. Bad vocals.

I freakin’ love this song.

And think about it. Whoever wrote this gem, if they kept the rights and invested it properly would never have to work again their life. That’s for writing:

I was tired of my lady

We’d been together too long

Like a worn out recording

Of a favorite song.

Think about that the next time you get a rejection letter for your 100k word manuscript

And my number one, all time GPS..a song as good as “Don’t Be Cruel,” “Born to Run,” ” Start Me Up” “Brown Eyed Girl” “Hey Jude”… except that I could never, ever admit it:

1. Kung Fu Fighting– Carl Douglas

Are you kidding–it doesn’t get any better.

Just the line “There were funky Chinamen from funky Chinatown” would’ve been enough. Just the wa-wa 70’s guitar work and just the “Woaoo-ooo’s” combined with the bad cliche Charlie Chan background would’ve been enough. This sucker had it all.

Brilliant.

Just try to write something as good as:

“From a feint into a slip, and kicking from the hip.”

Carl Douglas, I bow to you Sensei!

Here are the complete lyrics:

Everybody was kung-fu fighting
Those cats were fast as lightning
In fact it was a little bit frightning
But they fought with expert timing

They were funky China men from funky Chinatown
They were chopping them up and they were chopping them down
It’s an ancient Chinese art and everybody knew their part
From a feint into a slip, and kicking from the hip

Everybody was kung-fu fighting
Those cats were fast as lightning
In fact it was a little bit frightning
But they fought with expert timing

There was funky Billy Chin and little Sammy Chung
He said here comes the big boss, lets get it on
We took a bow and made a stand, started swinging with the hand
The sudden motion made me skip now we’re into a brand knew trip

Everybody was kung-fu fighting
Those cats were fast as lightning
In fact it was a little bit frightning
But they did it with expert timing

(repeat)..make sure you have expert timing
Kung-fu fighting, had to be fast as lightning