The jukebox is a very important component of a good bar.

It needs to have enough of a selection to keep things interesting but I don’t like these new jukeboxes connected to the internet. There’s no challenge or fun to jukebox selection if you can have ANY song.

A jukebox needs to not be of one type of music. It needs to have a variety. It can skew towards a genre but it shouldn’t be dominated by it.

I believe every jukebox should have:

1. Something by Elvis, Sinatra and the Beatles.

1a. “My Way” by either Elvis or Sinatra is acceptable. And Sinatra purists–don’t piss me off!

2. “Mack the Knife” by Bobby Darin

3. The Temptations, the Four Tops and/or the Supremes

4. “Havin’ A Party” by Sam Cooke

5. “Born to Run” Springsteen

6. “The Unicorn Song” by that sissy Irish guy

7. “Good Hearted Woman” by Waylon and Willie

8. “Sweet Caroline” (Note: if this encourages Red Sox fans to show up remove and replace with “Cracklin’ Rosie”)

9. Zepplin

10. Guilty Pleasure songs–Ice Ice Baby, Like a Virgin, YMCA, Oops, I Did it Again–songs that you like but won’t admit to. Classic shitty songs like The Pina Coloda Song, Have You Ever Been Mellow, Afternoon Delight, Brandy.

Bonus points for any of the following: Etta James, Chuck Berry, Jerry Lee Lewis, any version of Stagger Lee, Danny Boy, Bing’s White Christmas (all year).

What you might think you need but don’t: Lynnryd Skynnrd, Happy Birthday, The Electric Slide, The Macarena, anything currently in the top 100