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My wife is a small person with a soft voice who wants everyone to like her.

To put her way through college she tended bar during the day.And she was the best at throwing big drunk guys out when she was a bartender.

My wife, the bouncer

The bar owner one time told me that his roughest customer once gave him a compliment about Sue.

“That girl, she gives respect.”

That, my friends, is it.

Big tough bouncers and bartenders usually make things worse when it comes time to get someone out. They get dominant, they put their hands on the drunk or they do all their intimidation rituals. That hurts the drunk’s pride, causes them to want to push back and make a showing to reclaim some of their self esteem.

This is what Sue would do. The sloppy drunk would order another. Sue would gently frown and, almost imperceptibly, shake her head. If the guy didn’t get it, she might whisper “Uh-uh, I can’t.” Then, if he didn’t get up and leave, she would add; “I think you gotta go.”

Note, she didn’t waver. She didn’t say she was going to get someone else or call the cops. She stood up straight and looked the man in his eyes. But her words came with respect and without threat. She never had any problems despite working in a hard drinking place in a blue collar section of town with tough guys.

Tough, confident people come in different shapes and sizes.