For centuries, the most inane debates have taken place at the bar.

Why? You gotta do something while you drink.

Here’s some of my favorites and the correct positions to take.

Ginger or Mary Ann–Easy, Mary Ann. Ginger is a stuck up beauty queen. Mary Ann is the hot girl-next-store who you know will try harder and has been smoldering her whole life.

Is golf a sport? No, it is not. I don’t care if it’s hard. Billiards is hard. Darts is hard.  I don’t care if Tiger can bench his weight. It’s something rich guys do to try to be cool. They fail.

Is NASCAR a sport? No, but it’s cooler than golf. NASCAR actually grew out of the Prohibition rum runners. That makes it cool. But driving a car fast doesn’t make something a sport.

Boxing or MMA? Both. They’re different and not a threat to each other. No, they aren’t.

Namath or Marino? Namath is one of the coolest guys ever. He’s almost as cool as Elvis. Marino does weight loss m.

The Beatles or Elvis? Easy. Elvis came first. There were four Beatles. Elvis was the Beatles’s hero. Elvis was a black belt. Elvis looked cool in jumpsuits.

Jennifer Anniston or Courtney Cox? This one’s too personal for me for obvious reasons.

Boxers or briefs? Briefs. Boxers ride up and fail to give adequate support. Alternative answer: Commando.

Jordan or LeBron? Who cares?

Designated hitter? No. The pitcher should have to bat. “Tough” guys like Roger Clemens wouldn’t be so “tough” if they had to stand in the box while some coward through a ball at him.

Clinton or Bush? Easy, Clinton. Bill was an Elvis fan. Bush the first, made fun of him for that. When the Bushs screwed up people died in goofy wars. When Bill screwed up he got a blow job.

And finally…

Yankees or Red Sox? Yankees. Why? Because the Red Sox suck.