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To order a Duffy book, click on one of the covers to the left.

One of the most logical things this culture has ever come up with is the 10 items or less grocery store line.

Why do people insist on ff’in it up?

There I am with my box of cinnamon Pop Tarts, twelver of Keystone Ice, copy of World Weekly Report, package of toilet paper and tube of Compound W and I see the fast lane. I’m golden, right?

Wrong.

Because THAT guy just pulled his cart in front of me. His cart has so much weight in it that the axles are under more stress than Lindsay Lohan taking the SAT. Not only that but he has one of each vegetable and fruit in the produce section that all need to be gathered and weighed and generally require more attention than that infected boil on the back of his neck.. When he rolls out his third grade Partridge Family pencil case filled with coupons and starts to argue about the 6 cents off on the Brawny Ass Wipes I start channeling John Wilkes Booth and all I can see is a guy in front of me with a beard and no mustache.

Look, you either have 10 or don’t.

It’s not the 11 or less line.

Ten, okay? FF’in 10.