To order DUFFY TO THE RESCUE here!
FROM THE SHORT STORY “DUFFY, ELVIS AND A VERY SPECIAL HOUND DOG” AND FEATURED IN “DUFFY TO THE RESCUE.”
In addition to the Foursome and me there was also Al and, right now, Al was leaned over the bar scarfing down a cheeseburger. He had ketchup on his ears and he ate the burger like he was starving. Then he started to lick the plate clean and with that he pushed it across the bar. Before I knew it, Al was completely on top of the bar pushing the plate down to TC.
AJ, the owner and the bartender, gave me a dirty look and whisked the plate out from under Al’s nose.
“Duffy—he’s not supposed to be on the bar. For Christ’s sake, he’s not supposed to be in
here!” AJ said.
Al is a basset hound. He looked confused when AJ took his plate away but he coped with
it well by laying down right in front of TC’s B&B. He burped and went to sleep.
“Duffy! His woo-woo is touching my snifter!” TC said.
“That sounds kinky,” Jerry Number Two said.
“What the hell’s a ‘woo-woo’? Rocco said.
“Woo-woo? I wanna know what TC’s snifter is doing on the bar.” Jerry Number One said.
“I didn’t think it was a ‘woo-woo’ I thought it was a wee-wee…” Rocco said.
“It’s still touching my glass. Man, he does this to me on purpose.” TC said.
“You think Al has a frottage thing going with your B&B?” Jerry Number Two said.
“Frottage? That’s the French word for cheese, right?” Rocco said.
“Frottage cheese?” Jerry Number One said.
“On a dog, I think it’s called his ‘cookie.’” Jerry Number Two said. “Only on a female,” Rocco said with confidence.
“Cookie refers to the female gerontology.”
“It’s ‘winky’ isn’t it?” Jerry Number One said. “Or is it a ‘wanky?’”
“I think it becomes a ‘wanky’ if you touch it too many times,” Jerry Number Two said.
“Isn’t it just a pecker?” Rocco said.
“Not on a dog—that’s impolite.” Jerry Number One said.
“Oh, that’s impolite—but the fact that it’s touching my drink doesn’t bother anyone?”
“Frottage is rubbing up against things for sexual pleasure,” Jerry Number Two clarified.
“Who wants to rub up against cheese?” Jerry Number One said.
“Mostly, the French,” Rocco said.
Fortunately, for all involved, Al awoke, turned around and took his woo-woo-wee-wee-
wanky-cookie—but certainly not his pecker—and sat back down on his bar stool without any hint of frottage induced sexual pleasure.
That was enough to get the brain trust off the basset private parts discussion and it brought Rocco back to his nightly ritual. I was through with my first Schlitz and AJ had slid number two in front of me…